The Four Categories of Male Dominants
(Not to be confused with the BDSM Dominant archetypes.)
Written by Brendan Hadley
Published 5th December 2021
Sadly there are many fakers where it comes to men claiming that they’re a Dom, just to try and get a woman into bed. In fact as an educator around such things as this, I’ve come to believe that in the case of male Doms, there are four main kinds of Doms with subcategories shooting off them, and many are interchangeable, so I can see how it can get very tricky for women to find the right kind of guy to feel safe enough to explore with especially when they are young and inexperienced.
1. The true Dom: Naturally dominant. They tend to be direct, decisive, driven and demanding. They typically have high confidence, are self-motivated, and are comfortable taking risks. They like to focus on the big picture, not details. Most happy in the leadership role. They are respectful and kind, not because they’re sneakily trying to manipulate others into feeling obligated to them. No… he is that way because he likes to be. He doesn’t feel a need to conform to social stereotypes, and isn’t afraid to do what he needs to do to get what he wants in life, nor is he afraid to put someone in their place whenever needed. And will always do things on his own terms, much like a big cat.
Representative Animal Archetype The Tiger
2. The stage Dom: He’s not really all that dominant in his personal life all the time, but will be able to act the part, and can turn it on as long as needed in a performance based capacity. He is more or less happy to conform to social stereotypes. Most happy in a 2nd in command role, often dependable and will go out of his way to protect those he cares about, much like a loyal guard dog. Just like a true Dom, these Doms are excellent to have on your side.
Representative Animal Archetype The German Shepherd
3. The fake Dom: isn’t dominant at all in their personal life or in the bedroom, and is often all talk but no action. They have a tendency to feel naturally uneasy around true Doms for fear of being called out. They will sneakily try to manipulate others into feeling obligated to them, especially women they’re trying to get into bed. He will pretend to be a Dominant, just to trick women into fucking him. Conforms to social stereotypes if it helps him get what he wants. Can’t handle any real responsibility. Deep down is lazy, unskilled, cowardly and narcissistic.
Representative Animal Archetype The Hyena
4. The abusive Dom: Is prone to domestic violence, rash, arrogant, manipulative, selfish, patronizing and demanding. Lacks empathy and consideration for other people, and has an excessive need for admiration. Uses BDSM as an excuse to beat up on women. Only cares about themselves and they often exhibit narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathic traits. When stressed, they can become impatient, blunt to the point of being insensitive, may force decisions or take actions without first forming a consensus, and use their authority instead of persuasion to get what they want. Deep down they are damaged and cowardly.
Representative Animal Archetype The Wild Boar
The latter two are not much more then overcompensating unhealthy Dominants. (If you can call them Dominants at all.)
Another common strategy a lot of unhealthy men employ is overcompensation. This is often portrayed as the “player lifestyle” imploring men to “be alpha” repeatedly, with little understanding of what that actually means.
The advice comes in all varieties, but usually boils down to this: focus on your own wants and desires to the point of imposing them onto others. Exaggerate your dominance and boast of your strength. Go out of your way to make others feel smaller so that you appear bigger. I used to call these guys “fake alphas” but really they’re just guys overcompensating by beating their chest a little too much.
These men are often serial-players. Guys who obsessively seek out casual sex and not only regard the women they sleep with poorly, but treat them poorly as well.
Eventually some of these guys attempt to infiltrate the BDSM community under false claims of being an experienced Dom.
This behaviour is a mirage. At first a “Fake Dominant” can appear like a man who knows what he’s talking about and is nonneedy and less invested. But if you look a little deeper, it’s the same old story once again. Both the abusive and fake Dominants portray a ” I don’t give a fuck” attitude, which on the surface appears uninvested to those around them. But the catch here is that both these Dominants actually do give a fuck, even though deceptively they instead walk around telling everyone,”I don’t give a fuck”.
This is like the guy who says, “I don’t care if she calls me back.” And then the next day when she doesn’t call him he calls her a stupid whore and complains about how she was stupid anyway and it’s her loss. But hey man, he doesn’t care, right?
The fake Dominant’s persona’s motive is exactly the same as the ultra fake nice guy’s persona: to gain attention and affection from those around them. One guy does it by being overly nice, the other guy does it by being imposing and rude. One tries to induce love. The other tries to induce fear. Both are manipulative and needy.
Both these personas are equally dependent on the validation from women and people around them – the nice guy from his girlfriend/wife, the unhealthy Dominant from the amount of women/submissives he’s able to sleep with or hook up with. Both derive from a fundamental insecurity.
Sadly the catch is that only other needy people actually perceive the unhealthy Dominant to not be needy. Anyone who is confident and less invested in others will see right through the fake unhealthy Dominant.
A rich man doesn’t need to tell people he’s rich. A confident man doesn’t need to tell people he’s confident. And a guy who “doesn’t give a fuck” doesn’t need to go around telling people he “doesn’t give a fuck.”
These personas are actually a front, an act, a compensation, an emotional acting out against the women who hurt them in the past. In the end, anger is just as needy as desperation, and both the fake and abusive Dominants are often quickly exposed to have been actually highly-invested in sleeping with the women all along. After all, going out and picking up dozens of women requires a LOT of time and effort, and one doesn’t put that much time and effort into sex with women if one isn’t seeking an absurd level of validation.
If you would like to learn more about how to be an ethical Dominant I highly recommend reading The Dominant’s Mindset Manual.
This book was written by an experienced ethical Master as though he were giving mentorship to a mentee and fellow practitioner of all the delightful
arts of masculine rule and leadership. This book is jam-packed with wisdom and philosophy, along with fun techniques, punishment ideas and erotic pictures, and is designed to be readable and informative to men at all levels of the art, from the young man who has never yet openly commanded a female creature to the experienced Dom who’s wanting to transition his BDSM play to a full-time 24/7 Master/slave lifestyle. How to play safe, how to negotiate, how to find your ideal sub and how to actually ethically put this knowledge into action is also covered in depth.
So if you have the desire to learn more about the Master/slave lifestyle along with how to realistically apply it as a new way of life, plus also wanting to learn
more about owning a consensual slave and how to train her properly then this is the right book for you!