Polyamory, a concept emerging from the Latin words “poly,” signifying many, and “amor,” meaning love, denotes the practice of nurturing affection for more than one person concurrently. It’s imperative to clarify that polyamory does not inherently equate to a pursuit of multiple sexual partners. Before we embark on this exploration, it would be prudent to establish a robust definition of love. I propose we adopt Robert A. Heinlein’s eloquent characterisation: “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” This definition offers us a path to sidestep the intricacies of distinguishing between romantic, familial, sexual, or any other manifestations of love.

At its core, polyamory is the practice of forming intimate relationships with multiple individuals simultaneously, with the knowledge and consent of all parties involved. This approach prioritises open communication, honesty, and respect, challenging the monogamous norms that have long defined our societies.

For those grappling with the notion of how one can sustain love for multiple partners without succumbing to jealousy, instability, or strife, consider the love a mother has for her children. With each addition to her family, a mother seemingly possesses an inexhaustible wellspring of affection to share. The arrival of a second child does not diminish her love for the first, nor does a third child reduce her affection for the second. Each child is cherished for their unique qualities, and while the nature of a mother’s love may vary slightly, it is uncommon for her to harbour significantly unequal love for her offspring.

Indeed, siblings often vie for their mother’s attention, experiencing feelings of being shortchanged or envious. Yet, these sentiments, for the most part, do not lead to destructive behaviours and do not undermine their love for their mother or each other. By and large, society acknowledges that a child growing up with siblings accrues intangible benefits that an only child may miss. So, why, then, are we, as a society, predisposed to perceive polyamory – a system that functions harmoniously for parents and children – as nearly untenable in other forms of loving relationships?

To fully grasp what polyamory is, we must also consider what it is not. First and foremost, it is crucial to distinguish polyamory from promiscuity. Loving multiple individuals does not imply loving everyone or engaging in indiscriminate sexual liaisons. Promiscuity, on the other hand, entails casual, indiscriminate sexual relations with multiple partners. A polyamorous person may indeed have multiple sexual partners, yet they are just as capable of fidelity, love, and attentiveness to their two, three, or more partners as a monogamous individual is to their sole partner.

This commitment to multiple partners is referred to as polyfidelity, and those who practice it are termed polyfidelous. Promiscuity and similar conditions, such as love or sex addiction, manifest at approximately the same frequencies in polyamorous individuals as they do in their monogamous counterparts.

It is also vital to understand that polyamory does not carry inherent value judgments. It neither stands as objectively virtuous nor wicked, right nor wrong. It represents merely a description of how certain individuals think, feel, and love.

One must recognise that either one possesses the capacity for polyamory or does not. Transforming a monogamist into a polyamorist, or vice versa, proves nearly insurmountable. While individuals may acquire skills and knowledge that facilitate the practice of polyamory for those with such inclinations, one cannot fundamentally rewire a monogamous mindset into a polyamorous one. Polyamory does not universally suit everyone, and those who assert that it should be universally adopted demonstrate the same dogmatic rigidity as staunch advocates of monogamy.

Even for the minority of individuals whose cognitive disposition aligns with polyamory, navigating a predominantly monogamous world poses considerable challenges. In many Western cultures, the majority equates polyamory with promiscuity, adultery, and infidelity, leading to a proclivity to ostracise or condemn those associated with or practising polyamory. Curiously, even in these ostensibly “enlightened” times, the refrain that “the government should not dictate whom we can love or marry; people should be free to marry whomever they choose” tends to fade when one wishes to marry more than one person.

Despite the legalisation of same-sex marriage on the premise that the benefits of matrimony should extend to any individuals, regardless of gender, the implicit caveat often presumes the union consists of only two individuals. It is indeed ironic that some of society’s most ardent proponents of social justice and tolerance toward alternative lifestyles exhibit reluctance to support legal changes that would legitimise polyamorous unions.

As for myself, I used to think something was wrong with me. I’ve been in and out of monogamous relationships throughout most of my adulthood. Yet, I had always felt something was missing in my life and, at times, even intolerably lonely. I’ve never cheated on anyone before and don’t intend to start now. Through my journey of self-discovery, I’ve had several new experiences that helped me to expand my mind. I’ve had every value I’ve ever held questioned, and I grew to be a better person because of it.

Polyamory recognises that love is not a finite resource; it’s abundant and boundless. Just as one can have multiple close friends without diminishing the value of any one friendship, polyamory asserts that one can experience deep, meaningful connections with multiple romantic partners without diminishing the significance of any single relationship.

Polyamory allows individuals to explore and experience a broader spectrum of emotions and connections. Each relationship can offer unique experiences and perspectives, enriching one’s emotional life.
In polyamorous relationships, open and honest communication is paramount. This commitment to transparency fosters strong emotional bonds and encourages personal growth.
Additionally, with multiple partners, individuals often find greater emotional support and a sense of belonging. The diversity of perspectives can help navigate life’s challenges more effectively.